Spare Me
by Fangren
Summary: It's not everyday that somebody gets released from Tartarus State Penitentiary. Best to give them a good sending off, if they'll let you. [SYNCHRONY oneshot 1/9]


**Author's Note**

Hello all! This is the first in a series of oneshots I've planned, all of which are set in the Equestria Girls world. I plan on releasing one with each new chapter of my other new pony story, Oathmaker. So check that out!

Again, sorry to all my usual readers - this isn't the Total Drama you're all used to. Or the chapter length. But I hope the pony fans among you will enjoy these works just the same.

I'm gonna go ahead and issue a mild trigger warning for discussion of suicide, but it's not really the main focus of this oneshot so I hope you all can enjoy it regardless.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Spare Me**

The cell block in Tartarus State Penitentiary that held some of its eldest inmates was rarely quiet even on the most uneventful of days, and today was eventful indeed.

"You're never gonna survive, you know that right?" a deep, gruff voice taunted. An old man, large of build and gray of skin, grinned through his bars at the cell across from him. "Nobody does. Who could, after spending so much of their life in Tartarus?" He chuckled menacingly. "It breaks you down too much. You can't handle anything else. Why," he paused to slyly stroke his long white sideburns in thought, "I don't think even ol' Strong Arm lasted more than a _week_ before he offed himself. A guy like you might not even last an hour!"

A chorus of hoots and wheezing laughter rose up from the rest of the hallway.

A single defiant snort from the cell across the large old man cut through it all. "Oh _spare me_ , Sombra," came the reply, the speaker's voice a little refined and a lot annoyed. He was tall and lithe, reclining on his bed under his cell's window. He licked his thumb and turned the page of the newspaper he was reading, then turned his head to look across the hall at Sombra. "Even _you_ know-" he said sharply, his bushy white eyebrows furrowed into a harsh glare over two wild and almost beady red eyes- "that I'm _far_ more than some simple... _street thug_ like Strong Arm was," he rolled his left hand in a vague sort of gesture as he said the words like they were something filthy.

"Because unlike the rest of you," he said with a haughty smirk as he turned his attention back to his newspaper, "I've actually tried to _keep up_ with the outside world. In fact, I dare say I'm looking _forward_ to my release!" He let out a giddy giggle, twirling his long goatee around a finger. "Ooh, there's just so _much_ I want to experience, I'm like a kid in a candy store! Which, I'll have you know," he turned a smugly knowing look back to Sombra, "are _not_ as common as they used to be."

Sombra snorted and glowered. "Arrogant to the end, aren't you?" he said before turning and retreating to his own bed.

The other man gasped in shock and got to his feet. " _Arrogant_?!" he repeated in exaggerated disbelief, walking over to the bars of his cell. "I am Q. X. _Discord_ , the greatest there ever was!" he said, striking a theatrical pose. "And there is _nothing_ I can't handle!" He grabbed the cell bars in a fit of anger, his right eye bugging out while his left remained beady.

"Except old age," Sombra taunted, prompting another round of laughter from the other inmates in the block.

Discord looked up at his goldish gray, liver-spotted, and thoroughly bald head. Grumbling incoherently, he pulled a tattered old top hat out of his jumpsuit, shoved it onto his head, and sat back on his bed with a huff. The other inmates just laughed again, but one particularly wheezy one quickly stood out from the rest.

"Well...," said a soft, hoarse, and slow voice, " _I_ for one think you'll do well in the outside world. The chaotic hustle and bustle it's become suits you, Discord." The speaker stepped out of the shadows in the cell next to Sombra's, revealing a long white beard and faded red skin. He coughed. "And...perhaps, once you're free, you could put in a good word for me with the parole board? After all," he paused to cough again, "having an old _friend_ on the outside with you might make it all the more bearable. And just think," he clenched his fist and raised his voice, "of all the _things_ we could accomplish, together!"

Discord glanced his way, then snorted and rolled his eye. "Oh, go shrivel up and _die_ already, Tirek," he said, looking back at his newspaper. "I've spent too many decades locked up in here with you _whining_ and _moaning_ -" he rolled his hand and eye in a gesture of tedium- "about how your little brother sold you out and how you're never ever going to work with _anybody_ ever again, to fall for your little 'fake friend' routine," he finished, glaring at the older inmate. Tirek just glowered at him.

"Besides," Discord continued, crossing his legs and adjusting his paper, "I'm _reformed_ now. I'm not about to risk my chance at seeing the _glories_ of the outside world by doing another job, no matter _how_ fun it might seem. I simply _refuse_ to spend my last days rotting in a moldy old place like this like the rest of you."

"...'reformed'?" Tirek repeated slowly before bursting out into laughter, Sombra and the rest of the hall's inmates joining shortly after. "Do you take us for _fools_ , Discord?" Tirek asked, cutting the laughter short with a single hand motion. "You're not _reformed_. Everyone can see that you're the same showboating _weasel_ of a conman that you were the first day you stepped in here!"

"And yet _I'm_ getting out on parole today," Discord smugly replied, "and _you aren't_!" He threw back his head and hooted with laughter. "I'd say that's reformed enough by _most_ standards. Now why don't you boys just quit it with the blatant displays of jealousy. We all _know_ I'm going to handle my release with impeccable ease regardless of what you do."

Sombra snorted. "Keep tellin' yourself that," he muttered.

"You know," Discord said with a wild and mocking smile, "I think I might just do that!" He drew in a large breath, but paused when a door at the end of the hall suddenly opened up. "Actually, scratch that," he said, letting out his breath and smirking at the sound of approaching footsteps. "I think that's my _ride_ , for want of a better term."

Several of the other inmates started throwing out insults and invectives and even pleas at the orange-skinned guard as he walked past, but he kept his cold stare forward until he reached Discord's cell. "Alright, Discord," he said harshly to the eager old man who was quickly gathering up everything that could passably be called a belonging of his, "it's time to go."

" _Finally_ ," Discord said in relief as the guard began to open the cell door. "I am _so_ grateful to be let out after all this time, the others have just been _horrible_ to me lately!" He put a hand to his forehead in a dramatic gesture right before the cell door swung open with a squeak.

"Mm-hmm," the guard said uncaringly, slapping handcuffs on the wrists of an obliging Discord then pulling him out into the hall. "Come with me," he said, leading the soon-to-be-paroled inmate back through the cell block from behind.

"Later, fellas!" Discord called back to Sombra, Tirek, and the other inmates with as much of a wave as he could muster. "I'd say it's been fun, but, well...," he paused, then blew a raspberry and broke up laughing. After a moment he let out a dreamy sigh. "Speaking of fun, I do so hope the outside world lives up to my expectations. I just have soooo much _planned_..." A sinister smile formed on his face and he began to laugh again – this time low and dark.

He stopped it when the guard shoved him. "Cut it out with the evil laughter if you wanna be paroled."

"Oh! Oh, yes, right," Discord said, stopping in his tracks just short of the door as his laughter quickly became sheepish. "You have my _humblest_ apologies," he told the guard, "it _won't_ happen again. Just a...a bad _habit_ I must've picked up from the others," he quickly tried to explain, "you understand?" He batted his eyes in a pleading manner.

The guard just shoved him back into movement. "That's what they all say, buddy," he deadpanned as he escorted Discord out of the cell block.


End file.
